Massive Ego at Work


Yale: I mean we’re just people. We’re just human beings, you know? You think you’re God.
Isaac Davis: I… I gotta model myself after someone.
-Manhattan ( 1979,Woody Allen)

Ever since I can remember, I’ve never been satisfied with who I was. I’ve always pretended to be somebody with quirky tastes and admirable eccentricities. But then, that is how we all start out; we start pretending to be what we want to end up as. Along the years, there have been a number of people I’ve tried to model myself after and these weren’t your garden variety famous folks. These were people I knew (directly or otherwise); people who were older than me; people who possessed a vastly superior intellect when compared to my math hating frontal lobe.

So as I grew up, I read the books they raved about, listened to their favorite bands and watched the films they swore by. These were the people who unbeknown to them, I truly looked up to and to a very great extent, tried to ape. I always knew what I wanted to be; the pseudo intellectual. Like them.

Now, many years later, as I look around, I see them languishing with petty and materialistic pursuits. Somewhere along the line, they sold out. They found bliss in mediocrity and comfort in normalcy. I constantly find myself asking, did I aim too low?


12 Responses to “Massive Ego at Work”

  1. True ! !!! Very true ! /me just pretends too ! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  2. I constantly find myself asking, did I aim too low?

    No, I don’t think so. You were probably seeing in them what you wanted to see and chose to ignore other parts that didn’t interest you that much – it’s called Seclective Perception.

    I see them languishing with petty and materialistic pursuits

    Most of the people whom I have met fall into this category. Their heights of success is buying a new car and living abroad. Sad state of affairs…probably we’re getting too old for our age.

  3. 3 bApHoMEt

    @Pres: you just re-told the story of my life brother. putting modesty aside, we’re just too good to look up at them. its too bad they never decided to be better. so now, we look down on them. its the natural order of things. we always end up being better than our heroes because we are one of the audience as heroes, clowns, fools and wannabes take the stage. we get to see them all. they get to only see themselves.

    too philosophical? sorry. a bit drunk. (i bet the heroes never get to drink as much as we mere mortals do).

  4. Let me tell you one (read many) thing(s)… Every man as you said, starts out the way u’ve described but in the long run, he realises what he really wants to do and be and not just try apeing the others. And once this feeling sets in, he suddenly finds the idols were not all that infallible and he not a simple Malayalee Moron ( ๐Ÿ˜‰ ). The fallen angels no longer interest him and he seeks out his own space. Whether he becomes and does what he wants to, is a different matter. But at least, he stops pretending. And our turns at this ending of pretension is coming closer, at a pace much faster than we think.

  5. 5 Ravenent

    Dude, you totally nailed the whole self-deprecatingly-holier-than-thou bit! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Hmm, ok, I get where you’re coming from of course, but answer me this:

    1) What’re you doing to ensure you won’t ever ‘sell out’?

    2) What if someone else who looked up to you is saying stuff like this about you right now?

    Kinda makes you think (or not, as the case may be), eh wot?

  6. (Sorry for the late replies)

    @Johnny Oh so you’re saying you were ‘pretending’ to be a computer whiz till now eh? ๐Ÿ˜

    @Ruhi As cool as the term Selective Perception sounds, I’m going to say that it wasn’t that. These guys realized somewhere down that the line that maybe ”settling down” was the most secure option. I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing…I’m just saying that it’s not what I want to do. ๐Ÿ™‚

    @Baphomet ”we get to see them all. they get to only see themselves.” In a weird weird way, that makes sense!

    @Ravenent Danke! ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. What am I doing? I’m holding on for as long as I can. Of course, i know I’ll sell out too man…it’s inevitable. I’m just that chicken.
    2. This is something that bothers me a lot…but the way I see it we’ve got enough time to actually give a shot at what we want to do. If we fail, at least we went down swinging right?

    Right? ๐Ÿ˜

  7. These guys realized somewhere down that the line that maybe โ€˜โ€™settling downโ€ was the most secure option. Iโ€™m not saying that itโ€™s a bad thingโ€ฆIโ€™m just saying that itโ€™s not what I want to do. ๐Ÿ™‚
    I am a lot relieved to hear this, and I guess you know why. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Our targets might not be the same but we can start the journey together for sure. By the way, I am hoping to see Swenny, Arpit, and may be other too, this weekend.

  8. @punns : yep ! i just pretend ! i dont know anything !!! ( just hope my manager doesnt c this ! ๐Ÿ˜› )

  9. 9 Swen

    U should be an actor then. Thats some good pretending u are doing ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. @Swenny:
    The world is a stage my friend (duh!); …and I think you are a better actor than Johnny… you always were, I guess.

    They still think you are a guy, can you believe that? huh!

  11. @swen : i shud try out hollywood. ( i think lotta ppl given my place in life would do lotta great things .. ) (hmm … nm .. dont even know wat that was supposed to mean .. )

  12. 12 Swen



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